Always welcome, never obligated
That is the goal of raising Christian children to adulthood. That is the banner you want to extend into their hearts and over their memories that informs their present when they are grown and living in a family of their own.
When your kids are kids, this is not the case.
Young kids are obligated to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:4) and need to know that they are under obligation to worship Jesus since God has made Him both Lord and Savior (Acts 2:36-39). These ideas must be impressed upon children, but done so in an environment where mom and dad are already delighting to do so and are actively creating a healthy atmosphere where the air is sweet and you would want to be... even if you didn't HAVE TO be there.
That is building and preparing to hand off your authoritative position for an influential position. That will grant you a seat at the table of advisers in your adult children's life and livelihood. Your children cannot and should not be under your authority forever, so love and train them while they are under your authority so that once they are no longer obligated to listen to you, they call you anyways. Create a culture and build a home that says, "always welcome, never obligated" so that your kids can't imagine MISSING OUT on Thanksgiving because there's no place they'd rather be. If you continue to insist on their obedience to your authority once they've established homes of their own, you will make them wish to be anywhere other than your home and if they do make their way over it will be because of your bullying, not their liberty; because of your obligation, not their freedom; because of your insistence, not theirs. If you make the opposite error and never insist on being obeyed, even when they are young, when they are old, they will resent you for not being more caring or invested in them and will not want to come around as adults to visit those who neglected them when they were young.
For more helpful insights and advice, let's Ask Doug.
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