Lamentations 3:27
It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.
I sent this verse to you the other day to take a look at. I preface what I'm about to say by pointing to the truth contained here that it is good for a man to feel the weight of being a man - particularly when he is young. In other words, This is not to be taken too lightly.
Believing Scripture wholeheartedly and loving you as a friend and disciple, I know that this might feel kind of heavy. I recognize the weightiness of what I'm about to say. But I don't want to spare you the weight of it, seeing as how the Bible promises that a little weight makes men out of boys.
So enough already. Let's get to it.
One concern I have after meeting with you for several weeks is your inability to shoulder the burden of responsibilities appropriate for a man your age. You have frequently expressed feelings of being overwhelmed and exhaustion or exasperation with your current load. As an example, you told me even this last week that you were wanting to pull out of Sunday morning worship because it was too much for you at this moment.
You are - all things considered - a healthy, young Christian man. You work a part-time job, spend time making music, go to the gym, go out on dates and are involved in the college ministry as a participant in a weekly connection group and on the worship team on Thursday nights. Here's my concern: if this current pace of life is TOO MUCH for you, how do you expect to ADD the weight of engagement and marriage to it? Having a vision for manhood and manly responsibilities - like being married - is a good and godly target, but it is unwise to pursue them before you're ready to shoulder the weight that comes with them. I'd like to see you bear up under your current weight more reliably, more manfully, more resolvedly before you seek to add more weight. Proverbs 24:10 says, "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." Anyone can do great things under ideal conditions. In other words, it is easy to be or look strong when there is nothing hard to do. But you discover the size of your strength by seeing how much weight you can handle when the weights are actually heavy. You lift literal weights at the gym. You get how this works. You can't simply just pile plates on the bar and expect to lift a heavier weight tomorrow if you can't even lift what's on the bar today.
I do not doubt that you feel the heaviness of your current life at times. I do not disbelieve that you feel overwhelmed by what's on your plate at certain moments. So the next logical step would be to ask, "if you are overwhelmed by this pace of life, what makes you believe that having to run even faster, harder and longer (by getting engaged and married) is going to feel LESS overwhelming?"
As Jeremiah 12:5 says, "If you have raced with men on foot, and they have wearied you, how will you compete with horses?"
I say this because I believe you can lift heavier weights than you are now lifting. I believe you can do it because I believe God has made men to be strong and for the purpose of carrying heavy weight. Proverbs 20:29 says, "The glory of young men is their strength" and 1 John 2:14 says, "I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one." I believe you can overcome this by placing yourself under the authority of Scripture and under the weight of responsibility He has called you to carry as a man.
But to return to our weight room analogy, you can't rush ahead to bigger weights until you've developed the muscle and endurance to patiently remain under the current weight of living. In keeping with the sermon from a few weeks back at church over Galatians 6:1-5, simply put: you need to learn how to carry your own load. You need to mature in your ability to reliably endure the regular life stuff of being a man of God which includes, but is not limited to, working hard and keeping commitments when it's hard. It is a noble desire to want to take on a wife and to help others with their burdens. But it is unwise and ultimately unhelpful to attempt to help someone with their load when you are struggling to carry the current weight God has assigned to you FIRST. Proverbs 24:27 says, "Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and AFTER THAT build your house." Don't rush ahead and attempt to carry the weight of an entire family and the title of "Head of Household" before you are regularly carrying the weight of being the head of your own daily responsibilities.
A man must carry himself well so that he can carry others as well.
I would like to help you bulk up in order to be the kind of man who could take on additional weight - like engagement and marriage. But I can't lift your load for you. Galatians 6 makes it clear that every man must carry his own load. I want to help you learn to lift your load better, more reliably, more faithfully, more resolvedly so that your shoulders will be ready to be yoked to the weight of a young lady someday.
I want to return to the opening verse from Lamentations in closing. Under the current circumstances, you are struggling to carry the weight of your individual yoke. By grace through faith in Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit, I believe you can bulk up and develop the maturity and grit necessary to carry that yoke with His divine help (Matt 11:28-30). Once you do that, you will be stable enough to consider taking on the yoke of dating and marriage.
We are off this following week, but think on these things in the meantime. Ponder them. Pray about them. And let's discuss this the next time we meet.
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