day no. 17,078: a cart before a horse is like a spouse before the vows

The idiom "putting the cart before the horse" originated in the 16th century and means to do things in the wrong or illogical order. John Heywood first used it in his book of proverbs in 1546.

The reason the horse is hitched to a cart in the first place is to get something else somewhere else. In other words, the horse is the means, not the main point. The horse goes before the cart, not because it is more important, but because the contents of the cart are and in order for them to be transported, the cart they are in must go behind the horse. And so, the horse goes first because the contents of the cart of first importance.

1 Corinthians 14:40

Let all things be done decently and in order.

In similar fashion, a marriage goes before the spouse. The vows a man and woman take make them into husband and wife, but the spouse is more important than the vow per se. Yet without the vows, you do not have a spouse. You make the vows in order to have a spouse. So, much like the horse and the cart, the vows come chronologically first, in a left to right kind of way but the spouse is the reason you make them. The vows pull the marriage along, but the spouse is the reason you have a marriage.

If you put your spouse before your vows, you can end up breaking your vows to them in an effort to benefit them. You will try to love your spouse by doing things that your vows would not permit you to do. If you put her first without putting in vows, you will likely end up putting her away or putting up with her nonsense. God is love. Love is not God. If you try to love someone first without reference to God, what you end up doing is not love. You may love a woman before you make vows to her. In fact, in most cases, your love for her is what motivates you to make vows to her, but you do not have her as a bride until you make vows to her. 

So, the vows must come first, but only because the spouse is of first importance. Because your bride is most important, she must follow the vows. Do not put her before your vows or you will break her as you break your bond to her.