“Halpin being the youngest and not over robust was perhaps a trifle 'spoiled.' He had the double disadvantage of a mother’s assiduity and a father’s neglect.” — Ambrose Bierce, The Death of Halpin Frayser
A child can be spoiled just as easily by an overly attentive mother as by an inattentive father. Masculinity and femininity become toxic in inverse proportions -- femininity through excess and masculinity through absence. In other words, systems go into shock where masculinity is underappreciated and where femininity is overwhelming. Being smothered by a matriarch is just as dangerous as being abandoned by a patriarch.
Correspondingly, men worry about not being enough: strong enough, brave enough, wealthy enough, up to snuff, etc... Men fear being too little too late. Women worry about being too much: too emotional, too needy, too intense, too clingy, too etc... Women fear being too much too soon.
As a result, self-conscious women often withhold in order to avoid being overwhelming and self-conscious men hold on to things too long in order to avoid looking under qualified. Women don't want to come off too strong and men don't want to come off too weak. Women don't want to be overbearing and men don't want to be unable to bear up.
Proverbs 23:22
Hearken unto thy father that begat thee,
and despise not thy mother when she is old.
It is easy to be embittered about our father's absence in our childhood or our mother's presence in our adulthood. Scripture commands to our weakness and for the benefit of others. This means that we are inclined to ignore our dads in our youth and to ignore our moms once we're grown-up. But it also means that our fathers need our forgiveness for their absence and our mothers need to be forgiven for their hovering.
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