Christ Church Leavenworth
Ruth 2:17-23
May 17, 2026
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OT READING: 1 King 11:1-8
NT READING: 2 Corinthians 6:14-18
Marriage Material
READING OF THE TEXT
Our text this morning is Ruth 2:17-23, these are the words of God:
So she gleaned in the field until evening. Then she beat out what she had gleaned, and it was about an ephah of barley. And she took it up and went into the city. Her mother-in-law saw what she had gleaned. She also brought out and gave her what food she had left over after being satisfied. And her mother-in-law said to her, “Where did you glean today? And where have you worked? Blessed be the man who took notice of you.” So she told her mother-in-law with whom she had worked and said, “The man's name with whom I worked today is Boaz.” And Naomi said to her daughter-in-law, “May he be blessed by the Lord, whose kindness has not forsaken the living or the dead!” Naomi also said to her, “The man is a close relative of ours, one of our redeemers.” And Ruth the Moabite said, “Besides, he said to me, ‘You shall keep close by my young men until they have finished all my harvest.’” And Naomi said to Ruth, her daughter-in-law, “It is good, my daughter, that you go out with his young women, lest in another field you be assaulted.” So she kept close to the young women of Boaz, gleaning until the end of the barley and wheat harvests. And she lived with her mother-in-law.
The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the Word of our God stands forever.
PRAYER
Our Father and our God, we come before You this morning through Jesus Christ, our Lord, and in the Holy Spirit. Thank You for Your Word. Help us to hold it in high and reverent esteem, persuaded that we do not live by bread alone, but by every Word that proceeds from You. Fill us now with Your Spirit that we might hear it, believe it, and do it. In Jesus’ Name we pray, Amen.
INTRODUCTION
Good morning! This morning, we are continuing our study of the book of Ruth. Last week we left off with Boaz and Ruth finishing their first meal together. Ruth had earned a good reputation for herself through her repentance, her loyalty to Naomi, and her hard work in the fields. Boaz took notice and then took the opportunity to get to know her a little better over some bread and wine. As an aside, that is a great context in which to get to know someone. When we take communion later, look around. You are sharing a meal with these people. Do not neglect regular attendance at this meal as is the habit of some. Then stick around after service for the fellowship meal and get to know some of them even better. You already know that you share the bread and wine in common, it stands to reason that you probably share other things as well.
Back to our story, after their meal, Boaz let Ruth get back to work, but he also prepared some good grain for her to harvest that she should work in it. He did not take the dignity of work from her, he made a way for her to be more profitable in her work. She had to work out what he worked in. This is just another one of the many ways the book of Ruth reminds us of the Gospel. God has prepared good works for us beforehand that we might walk in them and we are to work out what He has already worked in. That said, let’s review our text:
SUMMARY OF THE TEXT
:17 “So she gleaned in the field until evening. Then she beat out what she had gleaned, and it was about an ephah of barley.” Ruth was no slacker. She did not stop until the work was done. That always includes cleaning up the mess the work made. Work is messy, but the job is not done until the worksite is picked up and the tools are put away. Ruth gleaned until evening and then she beat out what she worked so hard to glean. She did not quit until ALL the work was done. And when all was said and done, she had a pretty good haul. An ephah of barley was roughly 25-30 pounds and could feed a family for about 2 weeks. That is a good day’s work. It is a blessing, but it is a BIG blessing. And big blessings can be hard to carry. One of the biggest problems the faithful have is trying to figure out how to carry so much blessing around. For many of us, that reality is not hyperbole or hypothetical. We’ve been at the grocery store with all our kids and had someone say, “Looks like you have your hands full.” They say that like it’s a bad thing – as though having your hands full of blessing were a problem to be avoided. My wife’s stock reply to such comments is, “Yes, my hands are full… full of good things.” This is the problem Ruth now had. She had her hands full of barley. But like you, she found a way to carry it all, because we always find a way to carry the weight of the things we love. Our love for them does not make them any less heavy, but it does give us the strength to carry them. And that is what Ruth did.
:18-19 “And she took it up and went into the city. Her mother-in-law saw what she had gleaned. She also brought out and gave her what food she had left over after being satisfied. And her mother-in-law said to her, ‘Where did you glean today? And where have you worked? Blessed be the man who took notice of you.’” First, realize how relieved Naomi must have been that Ruth made it home in one piece. Remember, the world in which our story takes place was not a safe place for anyone to walk around alone, let alone a woman, let alone after dark. So, the fact that she was hearing Ruth’s voice at all was a relief to her. But then she heard the good news that Ruth had food for the pantry and leftovers to serve for dinner.
Take notes young men. Boaz paid for dinner and then he sent Ruth home with leftovers to give to her mother-in-law. When you are trying to win a woman, you are also trying to win her mother and father. And if you try to win the girl without winning her parents, you will lose the girl, if she is a good one. Any girl who would let you swoop her out from under her parent’s authority, without their permission, is not worth having. And ladies, any guy who would try to get you away from your parents in order to try to win you to himself is not someone you should follow. As flattering as his attention may seem, he is not honoring you, he is dishonoring you, because he is dishonoring those who have been assigned to protect you.
So, Boaz had enough for himself, enough for Ruth, and enough left over to send back for Naomi. A man must carry his own load before he can offer to help someone else carry theirs. (Gal. 6:5) If he cannot carry his own load, he does not need a woman to help him carry it, he needs Jesus. He needs to yoke himself to the Lord and to get his life in order. And once he has done that, he needs a mission. At that point, he has something a woman could help him with. She cannot be his mission. He needs something bigger to invite her into. And ladies, he cannot be your mission. Man was made to tend to the garden and woman was made to tend to the gardener. If he does not have a garden, he does not need a woman, he needs a mission. Ladies, a man should not need you to keep him from falling apart. If a man needs to be fixed, you are not the person to do it. God gave Adam a wife, not a mom. Adam was a man with a mission who needed help, not a boy with bad habits who needed a mommy. If a man is messed up, he needs Jesus and the help of the Holy Spirit. Do not try to be his Holy Spirit. You are not as good of a helper as God is. There are some things you cannot, and more to my point, should not, try to fix. And if you are offended by that, you are not in a position to help anyone.
So, a man must have his own house in order before he attempts to build a home with someone else. Consider Proverbs 24:27, “Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.” Young men, you should not try to know a woman before you know how to hold down a job. You must do the good, hard work of getting things ready so that you have a life to invite her into. If you want to be married, but you are not ready, that is your cue to get things ready. Do what you need to do. Get a Bible that you read, a job that you go to, and a church that you serve. Then, invite a young lady into that. Too many young men pursue the girl before they pursue the Lord. They are like dogs on a country road. They bark and chase any car that goes by, but if any of those cars happen to stop, they have no idea what to do next. They just stop and stare. That is most young men: energetic, highly motivated, and totally unprepared.
Boaz noticed Ruth and he had the means to pursue her because he was already carrying his own load. He already had a field and it provided him with enough to take care of himself and enough left over to provide for others. If you want to get the girl, you are going to have to be more like Boaz. You may be able to land a low quality lady on spec, but you won’t be able to impress a high quality woman, or her father for that matter, if you don’t have something to show for it.
Potential is good, but it is not enough. If all you have is potential, you don’t even have that.
So, at this point, Naomi’s curiosity was likely piqued and so :19 continues, “So Ruth told her mother-in-law with whom she had worked and said, ‘The man's name with whom I worked today is Boaz.’ :20 And Naomi said to her daughter-in-law, ‘May he be blessed by the Lord, whose kindness has not forsaken the living or the dead!’ Naomi also said to her, ‘The man is a close relative of ours, one of our redeemers.’” Boaz was not only a good man because he carried his own load, he was a good man because he forgave those who failed to carry their own. Elimelech was Boaz’s kin. Recall that Elimelech skipped town, but Boaz didn’t. Elimelech abandoned his people and his place, and as embarrassed and ashamed as Boaz may have been or as hurt by Elimelech’s decisions as he was, he was ready to forgive. He was not bitter. He was not brooding around Bethlehem with a chip on his shoulder. He did not rejoice when he got word that Elimelech and his sons had died in Moab.
Notice what Naomi said. Boaz “had not forsaken the living or the dead.” He did not forsake Naomi and Ruth who were alive or Elimelech and his sons who were dead. He did make the living pay for what the dead had done. Consider 1 Timothy 5:8 “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Boaz did not forsake his relatives, even when they deserved it. He kept the faith when they didn’t. His love covered a multitude of their sins. Chesterton said it this way: “The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.” Boaz loved his unlovely family. His loyalty covered their betrayal. Be like Boaz; be like Jesus: forgive your family and friends.
And this brings us to another piece of dating advice. Ladies, watch how a man treats his mother; and fellas, listen to how a woman refers to her father. These are indications of how they will treat you. Men, if she will not respect the authority of her father, how will she respect your authority as her husband? Ladies, if he will not love his mother, how will he teach your children to love you? Boaz was ready to receive Elimelech’s family back into fellowship. He held the line when they left, but he did not hold on to bitterness when they came back. Consider Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
In order to cleave to a wife, a man must be able to leave his father and mother. If he leaves home in a fit of rage and unforgiveness, he is not leaving, he is holding onto a grudge and taking it with him wherever he goes. Leaving home begins by being in good fellowship with your family. Forgiveness allows you to move on. Unforgiveness tracks its dirt behind you wherever you go. Bitterness may feel like a break, like you are cutting someone off or cutting yourself free from something, but bitterness is actually a bonding agent. The more you try not to be like your dad, the more you are bound to him. It’s like trying to quit a bad habit by trying not to think about it all day. It won’t work. You end up being more consumed by the thing than before. Bitterness does not distance you from past hurts, it binds you to them. A man who walks in forgiveness is free. He is free to honor less than perfect parents and he is free to cleave to a less than perfect wife in marriage. He is safe and secure. The past does not have any levers that can move him off mission. And this makes him a safe place for others as well.
:21-22 “And Ruth the Moabite said, ‘Besides, he said to me, “You shall keep close by my young men until they have finished all my harvest.”’ And Naomi said to Ruth, her daughter-in-law, ‘It is good, my daughter, that you go out with his young women, lest in another field you be assaulted.’” Even in those dangerous days, Boaz was able to produce a haven of peace. He has young men who are under control. Ruth will be safe around them. Here is another piece of dating advice. Bad company corrupts good morals. Ladies, get to know the young man’s friends. Who are the people he confides in? Who are the people he respects? Who is he loyal to? And who is loyal to him? What books does he read? What podcasts does he listen to? A good man will not surround himself with a bunch of skunks. He may be friendly to them, but he won’t be their friend. Boaz was surrounded by good men. They were not safe to be around because they were weak and incapable of violence, no, they were safe because they were strong enough to keep the bad actors at bay. N.D. Wilson says it this way: “Every hero needs to be part nightmare.” A hero must be dangerous. If he is not a threat to evil, he cannot be a hero. Villains do not feel safe around a hero, but that is exactly why people like Ruth feel safe around them. When you are under the shadow of their wing, the shady folk cannot hurt you. Conversely, a good woman is not safe because she would not hurt a fly, she is safe because she hurts bad men’s feelings. She does not entertain their evil suggestions and shuts down their nonsense by calling it what it is. She is safe to pursue because she is hard to get.
Boaz created a safe environment for him and Ruth to get to know each other better. She could safely return to his fields and be around his people. His friends would get to see her in action and they would have plenty of opportunities to interact in the safety and presence of many witnesses. The modern dating scene is not safe. It takes two people out of their normal environments and puts them together with too much access to each other and not enough accountability and input from others. Getting to know a potential mate in a group setting gives you a better read on who they really are and keeps you from going too far down the road of increased intimacy. We think we need to get a person alone to really get to know them, but that is because we think of people as individuals, but as Rene Girard has noted, we are actually “inter-viduals.” We are molecular, not atomistic.
For the sake of differentiation, we can speak of people by ones, but every person is a child, a friend, or a sibling. To get to know them, you need to understand what connections they have with whom. As Elder Behler pointed out a few weeks back, you need to ask, “Whose is she?” With whom is she already associated? Group dates and events are, therefore, a superior way to get closer to someone without getting too close and a great way to get to know them as a relational being. And that is what we see in our text :23 “So she kept close to the young women of Boaz, gleaning until the end of the barley and wheat harvests. And she lived with her mother-in-law.” Ruth honored both her mother-in-law and Boaz by continuing to work in his fields and by going home to Naomi. Boaz honored both Ruth and Naomi by providing a natural, normal way for him and Ruth to continue to get to know each other without stealing her away from the protection of her home.
THE TRIAL OF SINGLENESS
As you’ve heard us say before, the mission of any single person is simple: “Hurry up and wait.” You must work hard for what you want and be content with what you have. The best time to apply for a new job is when you are happy with the one you have. If you are desperate to be done with a particular job, that energy will come through in your interview for the new position. And if that interviewer assesses the situation correctly, they will be thinking, “How long before we are the company this person is eager to leave?” If you are complaining about your current situation, you will be complaining about your new situation in a few years. Now take that principle and apply it to the dating game.
If you are a malcontent incel, you should not be looking to date anyone. That energy will go with you wherever you go and a girlfriend will not be able to fix that for you. You need to learn to be content with your current situation in order to enjoy a different one. That said, you don’t have to lie to yourself and pretend that singleness is a gift. Singleness is not a gift for those who want to be married, despite what the TGC says. Singleness is a trial. It is a blessing only in the sense that all trials are blessings. James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” One of those “various kinds” of trials is singleness. And you cannot bear up under that trial by wondering if it is the gift of celibacy. That is a gift, but it is a rare one. If you struggle with pornography, you do not have the gift of celibacy. If you desperately want to be a mother, you do not have the gift of celibacy. You have the trial of singleness. So, bear it well. Learn steadfastness and let it have its full effect that you may learn to say that in Christ you lack no good thing even when there are good things, like marriage or children, that you do not have yet. Singleness is one kind of trial, being married to the wrong person is another. And I’d like to help you avoid that.
In 1:12 James goes on to say, “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” If you can conduct yourself with wisdom and faith in the trial of singleness, you will earn a crown of life in the world to come and you will qualify yourself for the crown of marriage in this life should the right person come along. If you cannot conduct yourself as a Christian in the trial of singleness, what makes you think you will conduct yourself as a Christian in the trials of marital conflict and childrearing? Marriage is not a solution, it is a different kind of problem. Everything has problems. If you are single, you have the kind of problems a single person has. If you are married, you have the kind of problems a married person has. “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife.” (1 Cor. 7:32-33) So, some problems are better than others, but all problems are still problems. As Chesterton once noted, “Marriage is a duel to the death… which no man of honour should decline.” So, single people, take note: marriage will not solve all your problems.
A man who has died to himself in order to follow Christ is well prepared to die for his wife, but a man who thinks his discontentment with life can be solved by a wife is simply assuming that a married man’s problems are easier than his… and that is a good indication that he is not ready to be married. A good man understands that becoming a husband is an increase in responsibility, not a decrease; It is a promotion, not a vacation. If you are expecting a spouse to solve your problems, you are forgetting that they have problems of their own that they expect you to fix. And in that kind of marriage, each spouse will be fighting for attention and accusing the other one of neglecting his or her needs.
UNEQUALLY YOKED
As we’ve also mentioned before, the two most important decisions you will ever make are (1) who you will worship, and (2) who you will marry. Who you worship and how you worship will determine who you marry and who you marry will affect how you worship, and sometimes even who you worship. We saw this in our OT reading with Solomon. The last thing that guy needed was another wife, especially when you consider his taste in women. His interest in strange women led to an interest in strange gods. His pursuit of multiple wives led to a pursuit of multiple gods. As Proverbs 7:26 points out, “Many strong men have been slain by strange women.” You cannot go after strange women without eventually going after strange gods. It doesn’t matter how strong you think you are. Solomon wrote that proverb and he still fell short of it. If he can be wise enough to write that and yet dumb enough to fall for it, don’t think it can’t happen to you. Be on guard!
That leads us to our NT reading from 2 Corinthians 6: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” The word picture of being unequally yoked has many helpful applications. The first and most obvious is imagining a yoke with two oxen facing the opposite direction. If any of you kids are drawing right now, draw a picture of two oxen facing the opposite direction. That is a picture of being unequally yoked. They might be under the same yoke, but they are not working together, they are working against each other. The more one pushes the more it pushes against the other. This is a picture of what it would be like for a Christian to marry an unbeliever. The two cannot work together.
The other word picture he uses is that of light and dark. Imagine light and dark trying to move in together. It will not work. They can’t even be in the same room at the same time. Sound familiar? Have you ever been at such odds with someone that you had a hard time even being in the same room with them? That is like light and dark trying to live together. It’s not going to work. So, do not get yourself into that position. Make the decision right now: I will not pursue any interest in or receive any interest from anyone who is not a Bible-believing, God-fearing, church-attending, Christian.
Let’s go back to those oxen. Kids, let’s draw another set of oxen, this time with them both facing the same direction. But let’s make one of them big and strong and the other one tiny and weak. They are going the same direction, so they are better off than our first pair of oxen, but they still have problems, right? They are unequally yoked. One is bigger and faster than the other. While this arrangement may be permissible, because they’re going the same direction, it may not be advisable. The same problem could be produced by having an old oxen yoked to a much younger one. Differences like these are worth considering: wide gaps in age, socioeconomic status, maturity in the faith, schooling preferences, secondary doctrinal issues, gender roles, cultural backgrounds, etc… These are not nothingburgers. They can be navigated successfully, but my point here is that they will have to be navigated. Being yoked to someone with whom you have a lot in common is hard enough at times, don’t make it harder by getting yoked to someone with whom you do not share important things in common with.
That said, laboring together under a common yoke in a common direction at a common speed is still work. Here is another great application point from the image of being yoked to someone. No one goes to all the trouble of yoking a team of oxen together unless there is work to do. They are yoked together to get things done. When Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He was not saying that we should come to Him if we want to quit working, He was saying that if we come to Him, He will help us with our work. He continued, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt 11:28-30) So, being yoked to Jesus does not make the work go away, but it does make the work easier to bear up under. The same can be said for being yoked to the right person in marriage. It makes the work easier to bear up under.
So, whatever being yoked to Jesus means, it doesn’t mean being free from yokes. You can either be yoked to your sin and suffer the consequences of trying to get things done while being bound to them or you can be yoked to Jesus and be freed from your sins to do the good works He has freed you to walk in. All that to say, there is no scenario where you are not yoked to something or to someone. There will always be some kind of work to do and it will feel like work sometimes. But if you yoke yourself to Jesus, He will carry the heaviest parts for you; and if you yoke yourself to a good spouse, you will increase the amount of ground you can cover. Two oxen plowing in the same direction at the same speed with the same purpose for the same Master is a great blessing to everyone.
CHOOSE YOUR LOVE AND LOVE YOUR CHOICE
But finding the right partner is hard. Men are often interested in what they can see right in front of them and women are often interested in what they can see in the future. As a result, both often end up frustrated. Here’s how it plays out: a man meets a young, thin, pretty lil’ lady and he likes what he sees, so he pursues her. But once married, she changes. She gets older. She gains a few pounds and maybe a few stretch marks as they have a few kids. She does not look like the girl in the wedding photographs anymore. If the man is still a child in his thinking, he will be disappointed. He will look at her and think, “This is not who I married.” And he’s right, she changed; but his expectations were wrong. He needs to grow up. As the great love chapter of 1 Corinthians 13 says in :11, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”
On the flip side, a young lady sees potential in a young man. Sure, he spends a lot of time playing stupid games winning stupid prizes now, but he will grow out of that, or so she hopes. So she says, “Yes” to his potential and she marries him. But he does not change. He does not grow out of anything except his old pants which no longer fit him. So, she looks at him and thinks, “He is not who I thought he would be.” And she’s right. He never became the man she hoped he would, but her expectations were wrong. He is exactly who he was when she married him. He is the same man she said, “Yes” to.
So, here is the point: young men, you must marry her for the things that do not change. That way she can change and grow as a person without you resenting her for not being the same person she was when she was single. Can you love her? That is the question. You will be required by God to love your wife as she gets older, gains weight, and changes through childbearing. So, young man, let me ask you a question: are you currently attracted to 60 year old women? No, right? But listen: if you get married, someday you will be required to. Your wife will need to be your standard of beauty. You don’t get to be into young women as you and your wife get older. So, you better make sure there are things about her that you love that can’t be taken away by time and gravity. A gentle and quiet spirit is precious in God’s sight and it does not get wrinkles. The hidden person of the heart is renewed daily even if the outer person needs a constant and ever increasing supply of lotions just to keep up from falling or drooping. The young woman that you fall in love with will change just as God made her to do and you will either join God in loving that about her or you will resent her and your God for it.
As Chesterton once observed, “Variability is one of the virtues of a woman. So long as you have one good wife you are sure to have a spiritual harem.” Young man, you don’t need a harem, like Solomon, to be happy. You need one good woman that you love until death do you part. And when you do, you will begin to see that stretch marks are simply tattoos with better stories. They are badges of honor, not blemishes. So, marry someone who is going to join you in the battle, not someone who is going to try to keep their armor from getting dinged up.
And young women, you must marry him for who he is. That way if he does not change, you cannot be disappointed. If you don’t like who he is right now, don’t marry him. There is no guarantee that he will be somebody else ten years from now. Of course he can and should grow up and mature, but if he doesn’t, could you still respect him? That is the question: do you respect him right now? If not, you cannot marry him right now. You will be required, as a wife, to respect your husband. So, if you can’t respect who he is, but you think you might be able to respect who you hope he might be someday maybe… don’t marry him. There is no guarantee that he will ever be that guy, but in the meantime, you will be the one disobeying God by refusing to respect the man he is, the man you said, “Yes” to.
The puritan, Henry Smith, summarized it well when he said, "A man must choose his love, and then he must love his choice.” So, choose wisely. Marriage is a metaphor. It is a profound mystery that refers to Christ and His church according to Ephesians 5:32. Every marriage, therefore, is saying something about God. It is either lying or it is telling the truth. It is either proclaiming the Gospel or it is preaching heresy. Who you worship must determine who you marry because who you marry will determine how you worship. So, choose well and love well so that your marriage looks like Good News to those who are watching.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
PRAYER
Heavenly Father, thank You for the book of Ruth and the insights into marriage it provides. Thank You for the example of Your Son who is faithful in His pursuit of His bride, who washes her in Your Word, and who saves her by His sacrifice. I pray that those who are single would hear Your Word and be blessed in their future marriages as they put these principles into practice today. I pray for those who are already married that they would be reminded of Your grace and Your goodness as they seek to love the choices they have already made. We ask these things in Jesus’ name and we offer up the words of the prayer He taught us to pray singing...
