"In marriage, much depends on understanding the God-given distinctions between male and female, and much depends on understanding how they are intended to blend in an organic and complementary way. But we stumble—we were supposed to blend our wills, becoming more and more like-minded, and we were supposed to keep our personalities distinct and sharp, becoming daily more and more like ourselves, growing up into ourselves. Instead of this, we blend our personalities, and everything and everybody gets all tangled up, but we keep our wills distinct, becoming increasingly stubborn as the years go by. And then we wonder at the conflicts." -- Douglas Wilson, Flesh of My Flesh
God likes writing with a sharpie and He enjoys making smoothies. But when we make smoothies out of sharpies, they taste bad and kill us to boot. And when we try to write with a smoothie, we make a mess of everything.
God's desire is for a man and woman in marriage to use sharpies for their personalities and to make smoothies out of their wills. A man should not lose himself in his wife. He should surrender his will for her. A woman should not be absorbed in her husband. She should surrender her will to him.
Oneness is the goal of marriage. This is best accomplished by blending your wills in a smoothie while keeping your personalities distinct like sharpies. This allows two to become one in a way that complements. This allows the key and the lock to be one unit without becoming one giant lock or one great key. Key and lock, arrow and string, violin and bow: two distinct personalities, one clearly defined will. The distinctions are sharp in form and function which gives way to the smoothness of the functionality. The purpose is produced smoothly because the personalities are kept sharply.
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