"Humans can be made to infer the false belief that the blend of affection, fear, and desire which they call 'being in love' is the only thing that makes marriage either happy or holy. The error is easy to produce because 'being in love' does very often, in Western Europe, precede marriages which are made in obedience to the Enemy's designs, that is, with the intention of fidelity, fertility and good will; just as religious emotion very often, but not always, attends conversion. In other words, the humans are to be encouraged to regard as the basis for marriage a highly-coloured and distorted version of something the Enemy really promises as its result. Two advantages follow. In the first place, humans who have not the gift of continence can be deterred from seeking marriage as a solution because they do not find themselves 'in love.' and, thanks to us, the idea of marrying with any other motive seems to them low and cynical." - C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
God's design for marriage is fullness in the forms of fidelity, fertility and festivity.
FIDELITY is faith-filled faithfulness. It is, of course, the idea of remaining faithful to your covenant vows by reserving your eyes, body, mind, aspirations and attentions for your spouse. This obviously precludes giving any of that to any other. But fidelity is more than merely remaining loyal to your spouse, it is the fuel which makes loyalty the aim, not just the consequence. It makes "being married" something to strive for rather than merely settling for "staying married." Many people do not commit adultery or seek divorce, yet 'fidelity' would not be the word that best describes their situation... there is no faith in their allegiance, only fear or fastidiousness. They would never step out or step away from their marriage, but neither do they show much interest in learning the dance steps of actually being married. Fidelity is at its core, faith. It is the belief in the unseen value of what one sees immediately in front of them, it is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
FERTILITY is merry multiplication. It is building and nourishing a culture of life. It produces new life and revives the life of things that wilt. It brings forth fruit and brightens the berries already on the branches. It feeds on God and produces godly jocundity. This, of course, can be accounted for by head counts. A merry marriage will produce more members. Children will be added to the family. More will have the last name and partake in the culture. And the more, the merrier! But it also produces an infectious evangelical desire to spread, to share, to give away what is being so enjoyed. It isn't a 'tight knit, doors locked, lest someone come and ruin our fun' kind of situation, but a 'doors open, invitations sent, table set' kind of hospitality. It wants more children because it means more sharing. It wants to grow in influence and outward expansion because it wants to make more of what it has found so satisfying.
FESTIVITY is godly good will. It is 'feastivities,' enjoying the overflow and flowing over with charity to its spouse. It does away with long lists of grievances and instead finds more opportunity to delight and compliment. by complementing Rather than dwelling on what wants are going unmet, it sees needs it could fill and does its best to meet them. God uses marriage to bring comfort to both spouses, not opportunity for both spouses to be accomplices in each other's sinful selfishness.
Marriage is God's place for practical fidelity, productive fertility and prolific festivity.
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