day no. 15,180: mostly dead

O Lord, there is much ill about me – crucify it,
much flesh within me – mortify it.
Purge me from selfishness,
the fear of man, the love of approbation,
the shame of being thought old fashioned,
the desire to be cultivated or modern.
Let me reckon my old life dead
because of crucifixion,
and never feed it as a living thing.
- Valley of Vision

You do not ration your bread for the dead. Setting aside food for ghouls is absurd. Food is for the living in order to keep them alive. Once someone is dead, they no longer need bread.

You've perhaps heard it said that if you have two dogs in your backyard, a good one and a bad one, you can expect the one you feed more to dominate the other. This anecdote is used often to describe our good habits and bad habits in order to emphasize the point that the habits that get our care, attention and affection are the ones that grow bigger and stronger and presupposes the two dogs don't get along. In other words, one will dominate and impose its will upon the other.

If you keep throwing care, attention and affection at your old man, you are giving life-giving bread to the dead part of you. You are trying to resurrect the evil dead within you. If you feed it like it's alive, you may discover the undead walking within you. Do not throw your bread at the dead inside you and be shocked to discover it was only mostly dead.