day no. 15,071: more observations from hovering over Genesis 38

God's design for intimacy requires responsibility. 

We cannot have one without the other without causing trouble. If you want intimacy without responsibility, like Onan, you hurt other people and himself was judged by God. If you don't want to father a child, don't have sex. It is also of note, that no one in this passage is attempting to divorce intimacy from responsibility. That does happen and we see it sometimes in the church where married couples become glorified roommates who go long stretches without sexual intimacy, which Paul tells the Corinthians in chapter 7 of his first letter is sin. Do not forsake coming together except for a particular reason and a specified season. 

Intimacy behind closed doors should equal responsibility out in the open.

Onan was ok being intimate with Tamar behind the doors, but didn't want to associate or take responsibility for her in public. 

You should not be in private what you're not willing to be in public. There are things you do in private that you shouldn't do in public, but the part you're playing in the bedroom should not be one you stop playing in public. If you're acting like a husband, then be one. If you're acting like a lover, then be one. But don't play two different roles depending on where the actions are taking place.

Intimacy is not secrecy.

Intimacy is private. But healthy intimacy goes public. If it's done in secret without no intention of being brought into the light, it is sin.

Judah becomes an additional example of this phenomenon later in the passage, pursuing intimacy and secrecy. He attempts to cover up his intimacy and to keep it at a distance. He doesn't own his actions or take responsibility until he is forced to. He is aware of the principle and demonstrates that he even holds the right ideal when it is hypothetical and "out there." He would know enough about how to complain about music videos or TV sitcoms, but doesn't see it in his own dealings. When he does it, he has good reasons. When he hears about it on pop radio, he is disgusted.  He is not wrong to be disgusted by what he hears on the airwaves, he is wrong to be complacent with it in his own bedroom, on his own computer, on his own phone.