Recently (10/23), I watched the first episode of Doug Wilson's "Man Rampant" ft. Joe Rigney. The episode orbited around the idea of "the sin of empathy." HIGHLY recommend. The following are some thoughts I had in response to it.
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
God commands us to be kind and compassionate. The world has hijacked this sentiment and sold it back to us in the form of being nice and empathetic.
Kindness is focused on your neighbor. Niceness is focused on yourself. Kindness is looking to the interests of others. Niceness is looking to your interest in others.
Many awful things have been done in the name of niceness. Niceness can be weaponized to manipulate, but kindness would never do such a thing. It is unkind to say nice things in order to get what you want. It is nice to be polite in order to politic. Kindness does not suffer such hogwash.
Sympathy is entering into suffering with those who are hurting without identifying yourself with their hurts or taking a "similar source of hurting 101" seminar in order to gain access to the situation. Sympathy suffers with people without having to take the sufferers' side without question. A person can be hurting... and wrong. Sympathy acknowledges that. Empathy cannot tolerate even the suggestion of such a thing and rages that I even interjected truth into such a sensitive situation as though lies were better salve than verity.
Empathy insists that the hurting person is owed an apology without qualification or exception. Sympathy suggests getting the facts straight first might better help untangle the knot. Empathy would rather its rescuers drown with them than have them arrogantly standing on the shore throwing a lifeline out. Empathy is upset that their one foots remains on solid ground suggesting that the rescuers reluctance to get both feet into the water implies their lack of concern for the one drowning. But sympathy knows that the only way to help the one drowning is to enter into their suffering enough to contact them, but not so much as to lose contact with what offers hope to both of them...solid ground, good footing and the upper hand. There is a reason, after all, why the one is drowning and the other isn't and that ground must be held in order for both to have any hope.
"If I am drowning in a rapid river, a man who still has one foot on the bank may give me a hand which saves my life. Ought I to shout back (between my gasps) 'No, it's not fair! You have an advantage! You're keeping one foot on the bank'? That advantage — call it 'unfair' if you like — is the only reason why he can be of any use to me. To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself?" -- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
God commands His people to be kind and to be compassionate. We must think of others and do to them as we would have done unto us. We do not want people saying nice things to our faces in order to make us feel better about ourselves if they do not believe the things they are saying to us, or worse yet, believe them, but are wrong for assuming so. Niceness is evil. Empathy is sin.
No wonder C.S. Lewis in That Hideous Strength named the embodiment of evil in practice as the N.I.C.E. Niceness is fueled by lies, flattery, arrogance, murder, envy and malice. Kindness is fueled by the fact that Christ died for liars, flatterers, proud haters, and envious slanderers.
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