day no. 16,141: the annual Van Voorst family poems for 2022

New Year’s Poem 2022

by Penelope Page Van Voorst

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Our family is older, a year or two,

And we’ve accomplished much this year,

And so let’s review, all the thing that we do,

As long as we’re all right here.

Dad read books and books and books, 

And moved us all to here.

He kept up walks around the block

And filled our house with cheer.

Mom cooked food (that Atticus ate)

And hurdled packing boxes.

She made a home, and watched her phone,

And hurdled unpacking the boxes.

Atticus ate and ate and ate,

And drew his Skeeter Wars. 

He burned off carbs, he ran in the yard

And then ate and ate some more.

I furthered my crocheting skills,

 And read a lot of stuff.

I drew a lot, and grew a lot,

And baking? There’s never enough.

Finneas is still Finneas. Need I say more?

He loves to play with Add.

He plays guitar, he dances some more,

Then plays with Rocco’s knee pads.

Laurelai did not grow. She shrunk.

You’ll never find her lazy.

She takes her time, and spreads good times,

And her smile is just amazing.

Rocco is older, and tougher, too.

He rushes in, unafraid.

But when his sister, is being pestered,

He will always come to her aid.

Callista is still the same bright star.

She loves to be alive.

She never stops, she’s always on top.

24/7/365

Juniper is as sweet as ever.

She’s growing into a beauty.

She’s found kid deterrent, and she really prefers it,

And she has named it “Chewy”.

Ophelia had grown up, too.

But she still is just as precious. 

She eats chicken, and also chicken,

And did I mention chicken?

Our family is older, a year or two,

But we are still chalk full of cheer.

So we can cheer, since we’re still here,

“2022 was a good year!”

....

New Year’s Eve Poem

Van Voorst Family Year in Review

December 31, 2022

…

‘Twas the night before New Year’s and all round the feast

The Van Voorsts were all stirring from largest to least

The cheeseboard was chewed by the children with care

In hopes that more Boursin and meat might be shared

The friends were all full filled with fun to the brim

While rumors of rhyming now crept through the kin

The sonnets of Shakespeare now danced through their heads

But dogg’rels of dad is what they got instead

Plus, foll’wing Penelope’s never advised

Especially when wanting to look like you’re wise

So, with that caveat, let your wishes be capped

And settle your brains and for this piece of… scrap

Now, back in the day there arose such a clatter

We sprang to our phones to see what was the matter

Away from that news though they flew like a flash

Since myocarditis vexed only the vaxxed

And pox a la monkey poked only the gay

So, they shut that shiz down and it just went away

Then Putin put in a new claim on the lead

Invaded Ukraine like their flag in our feeds

And just when the news looked like nothing but bad

Roe was struck down and abortions were banned

That light in the dark of the fresh fallen June

Gave lustre like leaven to what’s coming soon

For what to my wondering eyes did appear?

But the Twitter cult slain by the likes of a jeer

For everyone saw what the Bee said out loud

That audacious is odd and Bozo’s a Clown

So Elon supported his friends at the Bee

By buying the cancelers and p’owning the dweebs

But enough about them and everyone else

Let’s look in more closely at those in our house

Last year led us to a more postmill aplomb

Which led us to seek out more singing of psalms

Before we could move, we moved on to Redeemer

Befriended the Specks and began to see clearer

That Reformed was good, but Presby was better

And Christ Church was best, as we saw altogether

So we made the decision to move one last time

And boxed up our stuff to leave CoMo behind

But before we left, we had glass to replace, 

A sink to secure and a door to exchange,

Then out of nowhere, a leak from the shower

But we got it sorted and rose to the hour

Now finding a new home was not quite as slick

The pink palace proved that our eyes could be tricked

And seeing in person is not like the phone

So back and then forth to LV we did roam

Then one sleepless night on the Zillow I saw

A place to call home thank the Lord and Papa

So we sold St. Anne’s and we marched down the road

But our stuff took two trips plus a trailer was towed

Now, on the homefront, other things were realized

Admitting we’re paedo came as a surprise

But the covenant thunderbolt close to home strikes

So the kids all got baptized, no child left behind

In other news, we all got really into Skillet,

Got ev’ry CD and then saw them in concert

We watched GI JOE and the Babylon Bee

We had popcorn parties and many re:treats!

We spent time outside just enjoying the weather

We began with Tolkien and ended Wingfeather

Some learned to ride bikes and some learned to read

But all rode the Kraken to Fight Laugh and Feast

We amped up the Sabbath and Lord’s Day fixin’s

And moved the ol’ coop that we kept for the chickens

We all stayed quite busy, but we all stayed together

Now, let’s take some time to consider each member

Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donner and Blitzen!

Now, while these may not be your actual names

It is the same number since eight pulled that sleigh

But St. Nick I am not and tonight’s about truth

So, let’s focus on family and get off of the roof

My name is Todd Henry and I’ll be your guide

So buckle up buttercups it’s a bum-py ride

While moving us here was this year’s biggest feat

I found time to post millitantly most weeks

When I wasn’t concocting or posting my drafts

I was growing a beard or wiping a lass

Lass, I said Lass, see the lads they’ve all grown

And so have their bottoms, butt I’ll leave that alone

I’m a man with a clan I‘ve gotta discipline

I keep a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin

I walk on weekdays and I work by my bed

And there’s nowhere, not anywhere, I’d rather be instead

Paige Jeanette, meanwhile, bounced back from a baby 

Recovered from COVID and covered the story

But got shadowbanned so that no one could @ her

I guess on the ‘Gram they look down on that chatter

She packed up our house, filling units with storage

And managed our meals despite grocery shortages

She made her own broth and canned half the ocean

Ordered kids’ clothes and survived the commotion

She took over Sabbath and upped its aesthetic

She printed out chore charts and don’t you forget it!

She keeps us on track as she tracks all our needs

We have all we want with our wants in her feed

Of all of the wives out there, all of the moms

You can say there are better; no offense, but you’re wrong!

Atticus Jacob Rhyne loves to spend his time

Sleeping or reading or drawing or eating

Or thinking of things he could eat or might draw

He likes making stop motion films with his Joes

And acting likes soldiers out back with his bros

He started to shave and mustache you a question

“Does my fur make you afraid?” “YES! Was that your intention?”

He writes graphic novels and rules the remote

He reads his devotions, and draws what I wrote

He likes coffee black, sauces hot, and eggs salsa’d

And Proverbs and Psalm Sings and slices of pizza

He likes to ride bike using no hands at all

And last, but not least, he’s the greatest… (and tall)

Penelope Page is a sage, I confess

She likes to read books and she likes to play chess

She loves logic and satire like the Babylon Bee

She plays her guitar and performs regularly

Her feet are a feat since she shares shoes with mom

She likes to sleep in, wait! is she just her mom?

She has many friends, but Lydia’s the tops

She likes baking cookies and talking ‘bout dogs

She’s growing up fast and will soon be a teen

And Crosspolitic has called dibs on her scenes

She plays Mother Hen to the chickens outdoors

And inside Big Sister to a horde of Van Voorsts

She’s the daughter of two and a friend to all

A pen pal to some, but to me, she’s a ball

Finneas Haddon Foxe loves to fight and to box

And to wrangle and wrassle and build lego castles

And color and draw and his voice when he talks

He likes to make laughter and often delivers

He sleeps in his undies when under the covers

He plays the guitar and the tribute is paid

For jamming on riffs wrote by All Day Arcade

He hates being lonely and sometimes gets bored

But as long as there’s company, he’ll not be ignored

He’s brave around strangers and bold in his sharing

He’s quick to inquire and kind in his caring

He is Rocco’s big brother and partner in crime

But to me, he’s a son, so you best get in line

Laurelai Rush is an interesting name

For someone whose time on the John is her fame

Who’s last at the table, but first to say “Bye”

Who runs to give hugs, but slowly asks, “Whhhhhhy?”

This year she got glasses and learned how to bake

Turned sea salt to saw salt like a piece of cake

She prays on her knees every night before bed

Never forgetting her family or friends

She’s known for her phrases, like “Awesome!” and “Great!”

She likes making faces while saying, “I think”

She likes being thrown just as high as I can

She always makes sure to waive at the trash man

She’s beautiful, careful, outgoing, and kind

And I’m just so glad, as her dad, that she’s mine

Rocco Henry Warfield likes to follow Finn

And eat what he eats, repeat what he speaks

And hopes someday he might grow up just like him

His head is as hard as he sleeps and he plays

On the floor fast asleep is how he ends most days

He wrestles and cuddles, he’s tender and tough

He hangs out with Lolo, he’s handsome and buff

He chipped his front tooth, but he learned how to bike

He goes with the flow, man, whatever you like

But he’s not a pushover, he knows what he thinks

He’s sharp as a tack and knows that stupid stinks

He prays for his kids and to drive a dump truck

He’s fun, he’s my son, so you’re all outta luck!

Callista Janelle is a flurry of fun

She loves minnie mouse and playing with guns

She’s bold and she’s spicy, and often requires

Her jets to be cooled after they have caught fire

She still takes her naps, but protests on most days

That soon she’ll be six and won’t need them anyways

She looks after Baby and likes to play mom

But to manage her mischief takes more than a wand

To harness her chutzpah is my constant prayer

An army with banners and braids in her hair

She eats ham by the hog and corn by the crop

She heard eating food might could lengthen her locks

She’s cute and she’s smart and she’s got a big heart

She loves bread and wine and I’m happy she’s mine

Juniper Elise has a hearty laugh

And shows it off often, just not before nap

She likes to stay up to play with her friends

And asks about breakfast when every day ends

She loves to wear piggies and loses her glasses

She loves to eat chips, but on tuna she passes

She used to love Puppy and then it was Penguin

But it’s always been Chewy, whose love was predestined

She frequently asks, “Hey, dad! What’s that smells?”

She sometimes will whisper, but more often yells

“You makin’ money for us, dad?” she says by my door

And knocks again quietly, sitting on the floor

“No want it” is what she always used to say

But I’ll always love her to the end of my days

Ophelia Belle is the littlest one

Her eyes are like planets lit up like the sun.

When she’s not eating chicken, it’s salmon she craves

If those aren’t around on the floor she will graze

She uses her fingers like pincers or forks

And eats what she finds whether crayons or pork

She raises her hands when others are singing

And raises her voice when the pastor is preaching

She used to swim and then scoot on the floor

But now she prefers to stand up by the drawers

She takes out the towels usually one at a time

And sports her red hat like it’s 1999

Her grin is toothy, Her vibe is goofy

She’s fun and she’s bald, but she’s getting some fuzz

She’s oh-ey the doughy and ever so-so-ly

Truly and madly and deeply loved

Now, time’s of the essence and sometimes it’s best

To say nothing more to say more with much less

So, with all that being said, let’s cut to the quick

And pull this poem over before anyone gets sick

The river of God flows on filled to the banks

It brings to us grace and we bring to Him thanks

The humble and thirsty drink up to their fill

As the Almighty God overflows with goodwill

And songs of life spring as the new day appears

And Christ’s goodness crowns the end of our year

So here’s to the year and to many more like it

So raise up your cups and your spirits just like it

By this time next year, in a brand new December

We’ll have more to praise and new things to remember 

We’ll have more to list and much more to applaud

More memories, more bliss, and more blessings from God

To be a Van Voorst is, of course, a delight

And to be full of joy is to join in the fight

For this feasting's a foretaste of where we're all going

To that land where there’s honey and milk overflowing

So tonight we say, “Thank You” and look forward to more

And tonight we say, “Cheers!” like we’ve been here before

So, let us exclaim as this Eve flees from sight

“Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night!”