day no. 15,275 continued... arrested

Psalm 119:146-149

I cried unto thee; save me,

and I shall keep thy testimonies.

I prevented the dawning of the morning,

and cried: I hoped in thy word.

Mine eyes prevent the night watches,

that I might meditate in thy word.

Hear my voice according unto thy lovingkindness:

O Lord, quicken me according to thy judgment.

I did not sleep well last night. I laid my head down tired and then I just kept thinking. I laid and laid and tried to stay still in order to avoid keeping Paige awake. I sat and thought and thought and thought and then looked at the clock and saw 2:00 am. I decided to get up and do my morning reading. It was more productive than staying in bed and reading often makes me tired, especially at night. So I read and thought about what I read and read some more. And then it was 4:00 am. So I meandered back to bed where my mind still would not turn off. I eventually feel asleep around 5 and woke at 7 to my alarm.

While it was a frustrating time of physical and mental exhaustion, it was a refreshing time of spiritual interaction. I didn't get much rest for my body or my brain, but my soul enjoyed the uninterrupted conversation with its Maker. I contemplated my utter defeat. I considered my inability to save myself and my inexcusable sins in light of an unexplainable Gospel. I mourned my lack of initiative and my tendency toward timidity. I rejoiced in my God and the hope of resurrection fruit being born out of buried seeds. 

Psalm 63:5-7

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness;

and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips:

When I remember thee upon my bed,

and meditate on thee in the night watches.

Because thou hast been my help,

therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.

It was good to be up and in communion with God last night. Looking back, I would not wish that away. It is strange how hard things can be so hard while in them and yet not wished away once through them. God gave me an unplanned opportunity to depend upon Him. I am praying tonight, however, His plans for me include rest and recovery.

Psalm 127:2

He giveth His beloved sleep.